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Top ten reasons to have kids, well besides to have a loving family and someone to cherish.

(This is meant to be funny and not taken serious. If you can’t take a joke, then why the hell are you in this section of my site???) =0)

10. Each kid means another day you get to leave the office early.

Little Doug’s principal just called, I need to go to the school

Janie’s recital is tonight, I completely forgot, do you mind if I leave early?

9. In home Beer and Cocktail delivery service.

Hunny, go get dad a beer

Be a good boy and fetch mommy a martini served up

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8. A slave for when guilt no longer works on your partner and you need someone to go to the movies or mall with. You can always get the kids. Hunny, I’m old and I missed my night with Aunt BlahBlahBlah. And you can’t do this for me? What kind of son are you? (Yes I have a jewish mother. Catholics I am sure feel the same pain.) LOL

7. A human remote control for your TV for when you are just too lazy to get off the couch.

6. Yet one more way to show off to your friends about how much better you are, assuming you have a good looking kid or they are the best at something.

5. Tax breaks. What better way to lower your taxes then to pop out some kids and have some dependents. Unfortunately the kid also costs money, but hey, at least less is going to uncle sam!

4. To get the inheritance money from that dead beat elder who is about to croak. We all know that old dying people love to see youth, if not try to suck the life out of it. If you can pop out an offspring or twelve, surround the grandparents with them; you might have a better shot at hitting the jackpot in the will. Screw grandmas favorite, you have her great grandkids to support!

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3. We all have that neighbor we hate for one reason or another. I believe there is a saying that boys will be boys and kids will be kids. Well, kids like to play pranks just as much as adults. The difference is, kids don’t go to jail or get fined for harassment. Think about all those people you would love to doorbell ditch at three am, or play ball and be noisy outside their houses playing ball. Well now you have a kid to do it, and when they get caught, pretend to lecture them and as you make them get in the car or the house, reward the little bastard with some ice cream or candy for doing what you only wish you could get away with!

2. Scapegoats – Kids make the perfect excuse to see a movie for kids that you know you wanted to see. They are the perfect blame for when you bust ass in public. Hell you can blame just about anything on the kid and when people stare, as long as you look them in the eye and explain proper manners, you are no longer the guilty party. Kids = farting in public!

1. The number one reason to have a kid is for the dishes. I mean seriously, if I was in charge, that crap would never get done. These little monsters work for a quarter an hour, they clean and scrub, take out the trash, wash the dog, etc… I mean seriously….its cheaper than a maid or a slave! You know that dog you always wanted but could never have. Put the pet care in the kids responsibilities for their allowance and you all of the sudden have someone doing the dirty work while you reap the rewards and the dog of your dreams. In other words, children = cheap labor and a clean house if they want paid. And by paid, I mean 5 bucks a week which is like gold to them!

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