Before you read the top ten list, please note that this list sarcastic and not to be taken seriously. This is just my way of venting after meeting such a great string of quality men lately.
So I have been going on a lot of dates lately and I swear people get crazier and crazier the more I meet them. For instance, I was on a third date with this really sweet guy who brought me flowers on the first date. On the second date we went to dinner and dancing, then on the third date I invited him over while I cooked and it was absolutely perfect. Especially the part when we went to my bedroom and while we were laying down talking (not actually hooking up....wow I know a shocker, two gay men in a bed not having sex) and he says how nice dinner was and how great it was to meet me. He also commented on the great restaurant we went to a couple nights ago and how it couldn't have been any better, well unless they got rid of all the jews that were crowding up the place. Well, from that point on I was completely in love with him,,,,I mean could it get any better, especially because I'm Jewish, ohh wait it did, the guy then asked if I was into drugs because he was going to a party for his friend who just got out of jail. Oddly enough I am not making this up either.
Anyways, as it turns out, I didn't really feel that we were the best fit for each other so I did the only thing I could think of, I asked him to marry me....ok this sounds odd, but when I got to mention my sister's bi racial marriage and how we could have the ceremony totally orthodox at my grandpa's synagoge in Pittsburgh, then I said brb, gotta go get/pick out invites...the bitch fled. Anyways, after meeting complete winners like him, I decided to really put a list of places together where I could find at least a dozen more.
1. Bars at 10am or before work. I mean WTF, what good is a man who is sober enough to see me in daylight anyways. I don't want someone who appreciates me for who I am or is attracted to me without inebriation,,,come on, who wants to get in a car with a sober driver anyways? What fun is it when the driver can see the road?
2. A Needle Exchange.. Now I love heroine just as much as the next person, so what better place, besides under a bridge in Georgetown, to meet a man than one whose recovering...Just rip the junkie off the road to recovery, throw a couple dirty needles into the mix and we have a good old time. I'm sure we could even loose my savings if we tried hard enough. Better yet, I bet you if you don't jump on the first addict, you may even be able to get one who does crack too!
3. The Mental Hospital Severely ill ward....ohh ya baby, screw the doctors, I wants me a man who I can take anywhere. Get me a man with MPD (Multiple Personality Disorder) any day. I mean could you have it any better?
One guy who likes movies one hour, call on him again and he's ready to go dancing, the next hour you have a quiet romantic and if you're really lucky, he may even have the sporty type, the travel type, and who knows what else may come out of him in the future. It's one body with a personality for every occasion.
4. Death row....talk about a get rich quick plan with insurance,,,,,just kidding.....seriously though, if you can get yourself the guy or girl before he or she hits death row, it could be a spine splitting deathly good time for all! And if you survive the first date, think about the last. Seeing your new found love while surrounded by men and women in uniform.
5. The unemployment line. Ohh yes my friend, who doesn't love a man that cannot keep a job,,,or better yet has no skills or no desire to achieve anything. Now I'm not saying everyone there is there because of this, but if your dream man can whip out an EBT food stamps card to pay for dinner and promises you this night after night, what more could you ask for? a gun to off yourself right then and there perhaps? In all honesty though, those food stamps could be used to trade in for Crack...yum, and unemployed crack addict, tell me I'm not dreaming.
6. Because I have a lot of respect for myself, and this goes for anyone of color, non Christ based religions and foreigners, I would love to meet a southern gentleman with good old southern values that treats their partner with respect. Now where could I meet a man like this, hey I know a nice KKK rally.
Not only can they give you tough lovin, but they come with their own sheet set. How perfect! Even better though is that these people really know how to celebrate...I mean really, they start every party with a parade and who doesn't love parades?
Now if you can't find a man of quality in any of those places, I'm sorry but there probably isn't much hope for you.
Seriously though, the right person is out there for everyone, you just need to wait until you meet the right person. You may also want to think about the list above and create your own list of qualities you definitely want to avoid.
They could be anything from someone who eats with their mouth open, to someone who doesn't like pets or babies. It is important to know what you really want and what you really need in a person.
Also, a great place to start looking for a partner is on sites like Pride Dating.
Have a good one!