|So, It's all about the fudge, ehh??? Last night I was back in Chicago IL, God I love that city, and I went out drinking. It was the night after Halloween of course. Anyways, while I was out I ran into a ton of very interesting people, including this large and in charge, proud to be a big loud homo type of guy. We all know them, we all love them, and this guy (we'll call him Fred) now will always have a place in my heart. Anyways, I went outside to have a cigarette (I don't normally smoke, I just kind of wanted one) and there were these two guys standing there each having a Marlboro Ultra Light 100 so I asked the one guy for one.
Being the nosey person I am, I listened in on their conversation and it was the same old boring, ohh look at her, look at this, b*tch this, Grrl that....until the most magical thing happened. This skinny little twink B*tch comes strutting by like she is the world and in her hands was a big box of fresh fudge...
Now, this was not just any fudge, this was apparently, Grade A solid chocolate fudge. Well, the big guy next to me he starts going off...he literally had to be held back from going after this "Little skinny B*tch with all that fudge...damn grrl, I need me some Mother F*cking fudge. What's that little B*tch gonna do with all of it, you know she ain't gonna eat it" lol,,,this went on for a good 15 minutes,,,I even had to hold Fred back so he didn't go tackle the poor kid with the fudge.
Anyways, after fudge boy got in a cab, Fred started to go off again, because apparently peanut butter fudge or walnut isn't good enough and when a girl wants to eat, a girl needs to eat and there was no stopping this girl. Now I love me some fudge just as much as the next person, but Fred really loves his fudge...we thought he had calmed down 100% but sure enough, we back away and the conversation died and Fred walks onto the side walk and goes at it again.
He oddly enough knew the store the fudge came from (complete street address and all) because he not only went off about the twinky fudge boy, but said, "The bitch walked her ass from 2937 random street all the way over here, carrying some fudge and I am gonna trip the B*tch and steal her fudge." Could you imagine the call to the police...Uhhh yes officer, we have a fudge bandit on the loose, this young man was tripped, mugged and robbed outside of a gay bar by a big gay man named Fred for his fudge. Yes sir, that is correct, he was packing fudge,,,correction carrying packed fudge. I mean seriously, this is the night after halloween and I think I had just met Little Red Ridding Crazy's Big Bad Fudgy, Pudgy Wolf.
Anyways, after the fudge debacle I went inside and Ms. Fred was still going on about that skinny B*tch, so when he asked for my email I randomly said,,,,sorry my inbox has a weight limit (That was not a rip on People of Size, it was just funny for the moment because we were all bitching about the skinny fudge boy who would never touch the stuff and we were all hungry." Anyways, I loved that zinger and from there on in the night got better.
I would like to serve a warning out to everyone in Chicagoland, if you are walking through Boystown and carrying fudge, watch out for the big Pudgy Fudgy Monster at Sidetracks because GRRL, she is gonna get you if her friends are not there to hold her back.
Fred, if you were sober enough to remember this url from last night,,,it was an absolute pleasure meeting you and I hope to see you again. I owe you a pound buddy!
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