Bachlor and Bachlorette Party
|One thing that people don't really consider when moving in with their new husband or wife is that they have to now also get along with or find a way to tolerate and deal with pesky mother and father in law. As we all know from watching tons and tons of sitcoms, in laws can be a serious pain in the ass, but then again, can you blame them.
Before you say yes, think about this. You, a complete stranger have come into their lives and taken one of their children away from them. Although you may not see it that way, in the eyes of a loving or over protective parent, this is a scary thing and they don't know what is going to happen. Most parents only want the best for their children and they need to make sure that the person their little boy or girl is going to live with is the right person to take care of their baby. Although this sounds ridiculous, if you can fully impress and gain the trust and respect of your in laws before the wedding and keep a solid relationship and trust with them, your life will be a hell of a lot easier. Not only will your partner appreciate the fact that you get along with his or her parents, but your life will be a lot more pleasant for many holidays and family get togethers to come.
Now, if you have a mother that is Jewish or Italian (god forbid both or even worse Lesbians (Imagine having two Jewish Mothers....OY!)) you know that the first thing they worry about is if their baby is eating right. One of the first things I recommend each couple that is engaged does is to start taking cooking classes either together or separately. If you can show your partners mom that you know how to cook or can make a decent and proper meal, the first of their concerns is out of the way. Their baby will always have a properly cooked meal.
For the Father in Law, you need to be a bit trickier. Although noone should change themselves for anyone, sometimes learning new things that are boring for you can be an important step to happiness at home. I always recommend that you find out what your father in law's hobbies are and what he is truely passionate about and then begin to learn and master those so you can share something with him.
When you are at his house, look around and notice all the little things. See if he has a favorite artist, collects things, has any trophies or childhood memorabilia, pay attention to little things he says while talking and make a complete mental note of them. That way when you are back home, you can search the various search engines and start to do some research on his interests and help them become your own. Even if you do not liek the topic and your partner doesn't give a damn that you want something in common with your in laws, trust me, to that Father in law, you will be the perfect choice of a partner and he will be proud of his boy or girl for marrying you.
Another thing to remember when dealing with in laws is that not everyone has the same tastes, beliefs of opinions. You should normally avoid talking about Race, Religion, Politics, Finance, Economy, etc... when you are first with someone. Once you have been married for a few years and are on good terms, you may have a bit more leeway as you are now part of their family, but you need to make sure that in those first few years you built a solid relationship with your new family and not do anything to jepordize it. I know that political elections are things that everyone wants to talk about, but sometimes it is better to bite your tounge and just pretend to agree. The first few years of marriage are the part where you build the basis for your relationship and if you screw them up, trust me, it is not an easy fix. You cannot always change the foundation and sometimes that can be the downfall to what would have been a great marriage.
Another good reason to make good with your inlaws is that if you get in a fight with your partner and they give the famous I'm sleeping at my mothers house tonight routine, you can count on your Mother and Father in Law saying it is just a fight and that you are a good person and everything will be better in the morning. If you screw it up in the beginning and do not make a good impression on your in laws, when your partner goes to them for advice, they will tell your husband or wife that you are no good and that maybe you should move on. I mean seriously, you want the In Laws on your side no matter what. Do what it takes to make them happy and your life will be much happier in the long run.
By creating a solid relationship with your in laws, you solidify your relationship with your lover in that you have their parents supporting their decision to marry you and when they come to visit you don't have to worry about them picking everything apart. Instead they will hug you and compliment everything you have done for their son or daughter. Your partner will also be a bit happier inside knowing that their parents approve of you and will definitely be more comfortable around you and with you because of it. Everyone wants to know they did their parents proud and Parents want to know they did the best for their kids. By having a solid relationship with your in laws, your own home life with your partner will be a lot stronger. BTW gifts never hurt either. Here are two posts that I think you will like from the Gay Wedding Gear Gift and Supply blog for your Mother in Law and father of the groom.